


The Rest

by JacobsHunter



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Mentions of Cancer, Self-Hatred, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 01:30:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19163059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacobsHunter/pseuds/JacobsHunter
Summary: He never thought this would happen. And he blamed himself for not being able to do anything about it.





	The Rest

He sat on the bed, staring at the floor. It had all gone wrong. So horribly wrong. He had known that he would outlive you, but he never expected to lose you so soon. And not this way. Never this way.

Quill was the one who noticed something was wrong. And he was the one with the equipment that found the problem. Yondu knew it was bad, though, when his son left the room abruptly, close to tears. His own blazing red eyes couldn’t look away from the screen.

There, on your Terran liver, was something he had hoped to never see.

He had heard Quill talk about tumors. How they drained the life from his mom. How she died a slow, painful death. But hearing about it and seeing it happen were two totally different things, and the Centaurian quickly found himself feeling more helpless than ever. He watched as your body literally changed before his eyes.

Gone were the muscles he loved to make tremble with passion. The disease ate away at them. Gone was the hair he so desperately loved to feel between his fingers. It laid in clumps around your head. Gone was your angelic voice that could calm every flare of his temper, replaced instead by a hoarse whisper.

And all too soon, gone was the light in your eyes.

He picked up your iPod and glanced at it. You and Quill had this thing about music. And he was starting to think he should give it a try. It was the only thing he had left, and he needed to feel like you were close to him. Even if it meant never feeling your presence again. He put the earbuds in and turned it on.

“I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one would listen

Cause no one else cared.”

He closed his eyes tightly. This song. It was one of your favorites. And now it tore him apart to hear it. But he couldn’t change it, mostly because he didn’t know how and he didn’t want to. He wanted you, alive and well and in his arms. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare he was living.

“When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I’ve done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed.”

He felt more than heard someone enter the room, and glanced up to see Quill. And he wanted to be angry. To lash out at everyone, including the man he had raised as his own, cause dammit, it wasn’t fair that you had to die. But he couldn’t do it, couldn’t bring even a shred of anger to the surface. Especially not when Peter looked almost as heartbroken as he felt.

Peter sat next to him, and without saying a word, Yondu passed an earbud to the Terran. He could see the greenish blue eyes go distant as he listened, and knew the young man was better at hearing the hidden messages. The messages from those who were gone, hiding in the music they loved.

“And don’t resent me

And when you’re feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest.”

“She loved you,” Peter finally spoke, meeting Yondu’s eyes. “With everything she had, she loved you.” Yondu snorted and looked away.

“Yeah, an’ it’s what got ‘er killed,” he grumbled. Why the hell was he still trying to act like it wasn’t bothering him? Like he wasn’t dying inside when he tried to imagine the years to come without you by his side? He had to force himself to keep it together when you took your last breath because he didn’t want the crew to think him weak.

“Yondu, don’t say that,” the human argued. “Just don’t. It’s not true.”

“It is, an’ ya fuckin’ know it.”

“Yondu-“ The captain stood quickly, abandoning the iPod. “Yondu, ignoring it is only going to make it worse. I can already see it tearing you to shreds.”

“I been through worse, ain’t I,” Yondu snarled, whirling to face Peter. “Been beat fer as long as I can remember.”

Peter wasn’t angry though, which threw him off his game. He wasn’t buying it. His face was soft, sympathetic almost. Like he had any idea how Yondu felt. Like he had any clue what it was like to watch someone he loved waste away, someone he had wanted to watch have a long, happy life.

Someone he had hoped to start a family with.

“I’ve been down this road,” he murmured. “When my mom died. You didn’t get (Y/N) killed.”

“Yes, I did!” Yondu tried to swing, but Peter caught his wrist. “I fuckin’ got ‘er killed!”

“How?”

“I jus’ did!”

“Yondu, no you didn’t-“

“She deserved better!”

The wall was cracking. The guilt was too much. He tried to feed on the anger, swinging with his other arm. He wanted to rage. To beat the hell out of something. Anything. He’s rather be angry than to feel anything else.

But Peter caught that one too. Soon, the two men had their arms locked, Yondu struggling to keep from admitting more than he already had, and Peter fighting to get more from the only father he knew.

“She didn’t want better,” he stated firmly. “She wanted you! She would have chosen you over and over again!”

Yondu tried to shove him away, but found himself pinned to the wall. And that was all his emotions needed to take over.

“She died cause o’ me! Cause I’m wanted! Cause they’d a locked me up an’ let ‘er die anyway!”

The ache in his chest was too much. But now that the words had been said, he couldn’t stop.

“The damn Nova Corps run e’ery thang. They’d’ve told e’ery doc I coulda found ta not do shit fer ‘er. Jus’ ta make me suffer. Jus’ ta feel like they got me. She’s dead cause I couldn’t a got ‘er help if I had begged fer it. An’ now, I gotta live with dat. An’ I dunno if I can.”

Peter stared, feeling the weight of Yondu’s words. And as badly as he wanted to argue with him, he couldn’t. Because Yondu was right. This wasn’t Earth, where medics and law enforcement didn’t overpower each other. This was fucking space, and the Nova Corps didn’t care as long as they got their target.

And you had been an unfortunate casualty of that.

“I’m sorry,” he finally managed. “Yondu, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to lose her like that. I’m sorry that there was nothing any of us could have done. But don’t blame yourself. Cause she wouldn’t have blamed you. And I don’t blame you.”

“I’m gone outlive ya, boy,” the blue man forced out. “I’m gone have ta watch ya go too. An’ I can’t fuckin’ stop it.”

“I know,” Peter breathed, pulling Yondu into a tight, albeit awkward, hug. “I know. And I’m sorry for that too.” He glanced at the iPod as the next song played.

“Well, you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go.”

“I’m gonna miss her too. But we can’t just give up. We don’t have that option. We have to keep moving. Because that’s what we do.”

The tears were falling now. Yondu tried his best to hide it, not moving his head from Peter’s shoulder. How could he move on when the most important person to him was gone? How could he exist with such a massive void in his life?

“Boy-“

“We have to. I don’t know how, but we have to. Cause that’s what she would have wanted.”


End file.
